we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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