i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
