you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
