I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
