I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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