Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
