i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
