I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you made out with another girl for some wings
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
