her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
