dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
