Don't make out with my wife yet
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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