i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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