since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
