I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
