I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
