i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
