(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
