I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
