Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
