lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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