So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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