I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
