You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
