i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
