I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
