It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ugly people sure do ruin things
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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