Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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