so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize