dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
