I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I puked a lego.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
