Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
