i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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