I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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