She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
