I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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