and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
