Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
