that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
