she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
