about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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