I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
