It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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