She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
