wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
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