We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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