She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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