be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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