when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
