I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
