it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
