I think I am morally bankrupt
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
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