I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
