So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
