i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
