Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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