from now on my penis is your penis
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
