I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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