Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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