I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
