I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
