UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
