Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
