White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
