Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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