I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
