he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
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Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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