ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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