ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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