the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
