Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
