I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize