His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
