Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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