I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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