dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
